Friday, April 17, 2009

:-)

I feel like I need to write another post, to atone for the really really boring post I just published. Honestly, if I hadn't written it myself, I'm sure I wouldn't read it. It's too long!!

So if you read some of it, or even just make it through the first paragraph, kudos to you! And if you read the whole thing, let me know so that I can promptly pass out. (not that I've ever fainted before, or ever would...it just sounded good.)

Actually, though, I would really appreciate some feedback on that paper, and on my writing in general. I've been informed by a friend (whose opinion was promptly corroborated by a sibling) that my sentences are too long and have too many prepositional phrases, and that sometimes by the time the end of the sentence is reached, it is difficult to remember what it started with. YES, I made that extra-long on purpose. I can write short sentences. Like this. See?

So...
-are my sentences often too long?
-does my health care paper even make sense?
-do I consistently make grammar errors that I should know about?

Please give me your honest opinion!

6 comments:

P.C. said...

"Like this." is not a sentence.

Anonymous said...

Peter you are correct in your comment on her grammar. (I should have put a comma after your name:)
AS a loyal critic I felt obligated to post,:) Jess. however you are not taking it from a expert, i am afraid grammer is my worstest subject. (I confess hyperbole was used inmy last sentence)
You do have long sentences, but most of all you have SOOOO much information, it was well structured from the part I read. I would have found some ridiculous but true story about the subject, I love it when humor lightens up a deep subject, but doesn't distract the reader.
My thoughts,
Annie

Jess said...

Yes, I did know that "like this" was not a sentence. I was wondering if anyone would notice!

Annie, thanks for the input. An interesting story would make that paper a lot more readable. I will keep that in mind & also try to cut down on sentence length. :)

LauraBeth said...

From an editing viewpoint - well, I never got there. I found this to be a very interesting paper, and got so involved in reading it I never noticed any grammatical errors. Nice job!

Anonymous said...

I was listening to a radio talk show, a caller called in and said 'I was visiting France last year (where they have nationalized healthcare) when I went to the emergency room because I had broken several fingers. There were homeless sleeping in the ER, there was blood and waste on the floor, the nurses were very unprofessional, they were very slow in getting to me, and then after examining to me, they sent me back out to wait a little while longer until the right physician could attend me. My fingers were beginning to swell very badly so I asked for some ice cubes, I was told they didn't have any. I asked for an ice pack or anything cold. They told me no, they didn't have any of that'.
I think that is a very common occurence in a country with nationalized healthcare.
I thought that was interesting...
Annie
How's my grammar?

Jess said...

Thank you very much Bethie/LauraBeth! (I don't know what "civilians" are supposed to call you since my sister always calls you your last name.) :)

That's very interesting, Annie. Maybe I should write another paper with information from other countries. And your grammar is much better!!